September 30th, 2007

Well, it’s a quiet, uneventful Sunday – a good day for a trip to the market and a letter home.

I won’t comment on work. I’ll leave that out of my letters. With things changing day-to-day, anything I say now will be irrelevant by tomorrow.

Outside of the drama that goes with working for Koreans, I’ve been enjoying life. Having passed that halfway point in my contract, I’m just focusing on the things I like most.

Yesterday was a bit of a fun day in Seoul. We went to the Chun Gye Cheon Festival downtown. Then with a buzz on we toured the old, narrow alleys of Jong No that are pure, rustic and timeless.

I also found a bookstore with a decent foreign books section. The selection is still disappointing – mostly best-sellers and the classics, but I’m not at home and that’s to be expected.

I picked up Hemmingway’s “For Whom the Bell Tolls” – because I love stories about Spain. It’ll make better subway reading than the local “for shit” English newspaper.

I’ve been spending a lot of my down time here on the computer lately, learning how to use the damn thing. I feel years behind everyone.

I think I’ve now got the entire collection of “Putumayo Recordings” in my itunes library – which I highly recommend, especially the Brazilian compilations. So my apartment sounds like a Starbucks.

My boss bought me a little television but I haven’t turned it on in months, and hope I never have to.

I enjoy my little Sunday trips to the market. I never thought that I would hear myself say that grocery shopping was fun – but it’s all the little things that are the adventure here.

Buying tea can, in itself, be an experience. The options are endless. I think you could live here for years and not finish trying them all. The labels are hard to read and sometimes the pictures aren’t much help. You experiment. And, as with so many things, memory is key. I have no memory but I’m a note-taker. This month, I’m going with ginseng, plum and peppermint.

At the butcher, I figure note-taking is essential. You can’t just say – pig please. You have to name specific body parts. It’s hard work.

Another quirky thing I noticed at the market is that there doesn’t seem to be any concept of a “dozen” here. My eggs come in packs of ten.

Jong No - Street Scenes

Bosingak

Bosingak has been destroyed many times by war. It's important to the culture of Seoul and has always been rebuilt. It's a classic landmark in the heart of downtown.

The bell at Bosingak was used to inform citizens of the time. It was also used to alert people if there was a fire.


Nowadays, it is the site where politicians officially ring in the new year. Millions gather around it, drink in hand, for the countdown party.



Directly across the street from Bosingak is this tower - a classic example of old and new Asia clashing on the streets of downtown.



There is a busy bookstore in the basement of this tower where I sometimes shop for English books.

The King.

He's rockin' out at the entrance to a "western" bar called "Texas".

I'm not sure of the connection between Elvis and Texas. There's also a statue of Maryln Monroe at the doorway. Any American Icon will do.

Brave New World

Jong No at dusk.






Jong No at nightfall.

Smurf House Lamps at Discount Prices.

To me, it's as blurry as the photo.

Jinko Nuts

Tis the season. There are Jinko trees everywhere in the city. The nuts are falling on the sidewalks now. Koreans are busy filling bags with them and roasting them up.

Bun De Gi – Silkworm Larvae

Considered a very healthy snack for Koreans, you’re never far from a boiling pot of the stuff.

Silkworms feed on the Mulberry Bush – which is a plant believed to have many medicinal properties in Asia.

It sounds disgusting but not much worse than eating a worm in a tequila bottle for its "medicinal" qualities.

Fortune Teller

This one is a Phrenologist - a Reader of Faces

Macoli and Anju

Macoli is a traditional rice wine in Korea. Everything seems to come from rice. The other plates are Anju - food to soak up the liquor. Koreans generally don't drink without food.

Anchovies, bean sprouts, pickled egg plant, kimchi and leek cold soup.

Mo Deum Jeon

Assorted traditional pub grub - food fried in pancake batter.

On this plate, zuchini, hot peppers, fish, pork and leeks.

Po Jang Ma Cha

Where most Koreans eventually end up on a night out. It's usually where they land after having dinner and drinks in a restaurant - looking for more food and drink.

The "po jang ma cha" is the tent on the sidewalk with classic street food and alcohol that Koreans love the most. A lot of what they serve turns my stomach.

After their night out in more expensive places, they love to land here for cheap eats and the final blow of booze that sends them stumbling down the street holding one another up.

The Po Jang Ma Cha's all lit up and ready to go.

Ah, the spindle. One alone would signify the presence of a barber shop, like it would at home. But two, as seen above, means something entirely different. Two spindles indicates a massage parlour with more than just massages on offer.

Chun Gye Cheon Festival

Chun Gye Cheon is a little stream very dear to people in Seoul because for the longest time it was buried by a busy boulevard.

In the mass development phase of Korea, no care whatsoever was given to the environment. The development continues at a crazy pace. Entire cities are being planned, built and bought up overnight. But today, at least some consideration is being given to nature – very little, but some.

I heard that it was actually a concern for the core summer temperatures in the downtown – the intense heat - that made the city planners decide to demolish the street and expose the stream.

It’s become the “lovers’ lane” of Seoul. So it’s jammed with people every weekend. It’s no dump. The water runs from the mountain. It’s fresh and clear.

Every September they have a festival here now. It features buskers, artists of all shapes and sizes, drumming, dancing, traditional culture demos and of course, a massive pig roast.

The K Water Man - Workin' the Streets

A Performance of Traditional Theatre.

The Big Shell at Myung Dong

The Korean Traditional Drum Circle

Sa Mul Nolee








Junk Art


Praying Mantis

Camel

Dragon





Armadillo

Kangaroo

Monster?

Tetona !



Porcupine

Robot ?

Serpent

Giant Spider

The Pig Roast and Karaoke Competition







The Pig.

There were about ten of them turning constantly on the slow cookers. $5 got you a big plate of meat. It was awesome.

Little baby birdies, quail - all barbecued up.

No, I didn't.

The Wake Up Call

So I’m cleaning out the closet of my classroom, separating crap into two piles – one for my backpack, the other for the garbage bin. I’ve accumulated quite a bit over the past six months that I want to keep and I’m wondering how I’ll possible carry this home. Or more precisely, how far will I get before the straps on my bag break.

I have this strange sense of déjà vu, which shouldn’t be strange at all. I’ve done this so many times now. I paced around the room a few times. I took a last look out my window at the mountain. We just had a decent dump of rain. The sky was clear and Bukhan mountain has never looked so impressive. Alas, no camera.

When I went back to work on the closet, I stopped myself. This should’ve felt liberating and fair but it didn’t. The kids were giving me this look, too young to understand. They wanted my markers to draw pictures on the board.

This is the part of the day when Judy and Jenny come running in to show me what crazy toys they have in their bags today. Then Jimmy does something silly and we all have a huge laugh. It didn’t work today. But I did drop the bag and close the closet door.

Today was not the day to walk out. The kids hadn’t softened me up. It was more complicated than that.

I looked into Sandy teacher’s classroom. She was sweeping up a mess the parents had left behind for us. They use our rooms in the morning and are totally inconsiderate. Her face looked so heavy. She was a good-looking woman wearing a lot of stress. She didn’t ask what I was doing. She didn’t have to.

Running this program together, our jobs, in a sense, depend heavily on one another. And then they also depend on things we can’t control. She’s an awesome teacher who’s been going well beyond the call of duty to make this work. I was about to leave her in a world of hurt. But that didn’t soften me either.

I stayed because it was Friday. Never walk out on a Friday. Not in Korea anyway.

Today the kids were rehearsing their performance of the musical “The Sound of Music”. Lately, that’s how we finish the day. I walk to the subway with that song in my head – do, a deer, a female deer.

I sat back and watched the rehearsal and enjoyed it immensely. It was as though all their little screw ups just made it that much funnier – the priceless improv that should get written into the script. I watched on knowing that I probably won’t be there to see the real performance next month.

I wondered who would take the role of the butler. That was my part. Sandy sat at her desk wondering the same thing. We haven’t talked about this. But she had that look of women’s intuition in her eye – like she’d read my mind and processed the data before I could make sense of it myself.

Payday passed last week like any other, except we didn’t get paid. There are times when the check is late. Then there are times when the check isn’t coming. Part of being an English teacher is knowing one from the other – Knowing when to teach and when to walk.

Things go from bad to worse in a heartbeat. But there are always signs. When you’re unhappy, these signs are flashing neon. I guess when you’re enjoying the gig, and this was a good gig, and when you like the people, and these people are really nice, the temptation is there to ignore the obvious. I thought that in public school the money would always be there – the water in the well.

Contracts in Korea are infinitely more complicated than any I’ve ever encountered elsewhere. My boss doesn’t just employ me. He’s my sponsor in the country. He also signed the papers on my apartment and covers the rent.

The moment you quit a job, they immediately come for the keys to your apartment and kick you out. Your visa becomes void and your days in the country are suddenly numbered. This is the point when, if you can’t find good help, and that’s very likely, I imagine most teachers would just head to the airport and take the first flight out across the pond.

As long as I’m still going to work, I’ve got a home and a place to think until I figure out a solution to this predicament.

A Friend of Mine…

Now anyone who’s taught abroad is laughing at this title. There are so many tragic stories. They surround us. How could I possibly pick one? I’ll just talk about this week.

A friend of mine recently sent a letter of complaint to his school. He stated that he really wanted to stay there but that he was contracted to teach 6 classes per day and was given 11.

It was wearing him out, not to mention that doubling your workload on the first day, after you’ve arrived in the country and signed the contract is just plain unfair.

He was hoping they’d see his point of view and find a way to reduce his hours. That was reasonable.

The school waited until the thanksgiving holiday began – for a week just about everything in town is closed.

Their first move was to cut the telephone and internet line to his apartment. Then they sent a Saturday morning email informing him that he had until midnight to vacate the apartment and return the keys. The letter also recommended that he go to the airport and leave the country immediately. There’s nothing quite like Korean hospitality.

His agent was on vacation in Tibet, of all places and essentially useless. The school knew he was alone and the timing was perfect. I heard about this on Sunday. By Wednesday, he was on his way to America. He was probably the most qualified English teacher in the country.

What Now?

So this past week has left me feeling like there’s really no one who can be trusted. I’ve got a low down, negative attitude that’s going to be hard to turn around this time.

My boss is expecting me to take one for the team right now. But I don’t feel any sense of “team” whatsoever.

I found a bath house down the street that charges $7 per night. And I’ve got an agent who will show me to the next school. Everything beyond that is a cloud of smoke. At some point, the money I’ve saved will cheer me up again. Onward…

The shocker is that I’ve been doing this for nearly ten years now. I’m like the kid who pukes his guts out on the roller coaster and then jumps in line to ride it again.

I get the impression that a lot of people are here teaching as a “time out” from their lives. They’ll ride it out for a while and then return to their comfort zone. But I’m having a “this IS your life” moment. A friend of mine put it well – he called it “a life without context”, nothing solid to hold onto. There may be a lot of important elements missing, but there’s no shortage of drama.

Halfway and Turning the Corner

It’s a shocker but I’ve officially reached the halfway point in my contract. Now, looking ahead at the second leg, it doesn’t seem so daunting as it did about a week ago.

I’ve kept plenty of notes on the nonsense here that is teaching in Korea. So instead, maybe I should reflect by recognizing how lucky I am.

There are so many ways that things could go wrong. There are so many ways to break a man. And I’ve been battered but I’m not broken yet.

Things can change from bad to worse overnight. Your whole life can be turned upside down and shaken while you're sleeping unsuspectingly. Any day could be the day that's become your turn to pack your bags and head to the airport.

So I should probably give due thanks to everyone and everything that have kept me from losing it here.

In no particular order…

Thank you ISOhunt and UTorrent - for free, unlimited access to everything written, filmed and recorded that I’ve ever wanted.
(I understand that Jessica Alba still won’t do nudes, and that’s not your fault.)

Thanks to Lee Sang Chon at Jeil Music Instrument - for my $70 acoustic guitar that stays in tune and doesn’t make my fingers bleed.

Thanks to Doctor Kim Soo Young – for the medicine that helped me go to the toilet.

Thanks to the gang at DaeJi GoGi Jip – for the best barbecued pork south of the Han River.

Thanks to the gang at Greenland Spa – for the fish that chewed the skin off my feet and the great juggling act in the lounge.

Thanks to Sera – for being everything but my attorney. And I know that if I needed one, you’d somehow do that too.

Thanks to Jim from Leeland County, Michigan – for being cool (I know you’re reading) – but where did you go?

Thanks to Principal Kim – for the job, and the rice.

Thanks to Sandy Teacher – for scaring the kids who don’t listen to me ‘cause I’m white and have a big nose.

Thanks to my Agent Moonju – for getting tough with Mr. Goo.

Thanks to Dwayne for the music – you’re now in my itunes library, photo and all, whether you like it or not.

Thanks to Skype for free international phone calls. I’ll forgive you for the pathetic marketing ads I get from dumb ass sales chicks in China.

Thanks to the Korean Ginseng Root. I’m a believer.

Thanks to those who write. Don’t ever stop. It’s a lost art – and sadly carried on now by celebrities who think that being famous makes their stories interesting. We’re in an age where people don’t even write letters anymore. They play face book games.

Just joking. I am going to add all of the applications eventually. I'm just not ready yet.

Ji Min and Ji Moon

Ji Min and Ji Moon are best friends in Seoul, Korea. Ji Min is 28 and Ji Moon is 27. In North American terms, I think they’re the same age but I can’t be bothered to do the math. They’ve been best friends since elementary school and call each other “un ni” (older sister) and “dong saeng” (younger sister).

Growing up, they’re lives were pretty much the same. They took the same courses in school, had crushes on the same boys, ate the same food, complained about the same problems and had the same hobbies except that Ji Min took piano lessons and Ji Moon studied the flute.

Ji Min was by far the better of the two in English class. Her parents hired a private home tutor and sent her to the US on two occasions. She majored in English in college and got a job at a private school teaching English to kindergarten and elementary school kids. She loved her job and saved enough money for a vacation in Guam.

Ji Moon had learned quite a bit of English but wasn’t very comfortable speaking it. She scraped through her classes and had a low score on her TOEIC test (of English proficiency). She majored in Arts. Her marks were good but she didn’t get a job right out of school. She chipped away at part time jobs and saved what she could. With a little help from mom, the girls were able to go to Guam together.

Both Ji Min and Ji Moon were living with their parents and quite far apart now in terms of distance in the city. They didn’t see much of each other, in fact, not at all since Guam. They kept in touch mostly on their cyworld homepages.

So the long weekend of chusok allowed them to catch up, which scheduled nights out for dinner in the city didn’t give them a chance to do. They were always part of a larger crowd that was organized as a regular reunion of college friends. They had dinner, drank and sang karaoke. Nights out ended early. They rushed off on their respective subways to be home before midnight curfew. The boys moved on to play without them.

Although both girls were blessed with good looks and tight, fit bodies, they were at an age where they felt they were becoming old by local standards and their market value as quality wives was quickly diminishing as every month went by. Heaven forbid they turn thirty and still be alone. If it came to that, their parents would be making the arrangements.

They’d never had the conversation before, but neither was a virgin. Having traveled abroad, Ji Moon had suspected that of Ji Min. But Ji Moon herself had actually fooled not only her parents but even her best of friends. It’s not that hard to do when such matters are never spoken of – until now, I guess. The power of alcohol.

The time had come for the girls to say goodbye. It was a final drink together. Ji Min had been proposed to by a Korean guy whom she met in a club. He’d been following her around for months. He left flowers at her school, making her blush in front of her students.

They’d taken a few walks in the park and watched a few movies. They’d shared plates of dried squid and sang karaoke, all the ballads. He had the same surname but the research showed their blood lines to be far enough apart.

At 30, this dude was no spring chicken himself. When he sprung the question, Ji Min didn’t give it much thought. A nice guy like him might not come along twice. She firmly believed the once in a lifetime theory. At her age, she had to.

Ji Min and her fiancé were both quite anxious to get out of their respective homes and enjoy some freedom from the parents. He had just got a raise at his company. It came with more hours but meant he could start paying for an apartment. The moment he put the ring on her finger, Ji Min quit her job at the school. It was a fulfilling albeit short-lived teaching career. Thank god that was over, really, was her thinking.

Ji Moon on the other hand, had no prospective suitors in Korea. She’d been dating a foreigner who was a nice enough guy but he was due to head back to America within the month. He asked her to come along with him. She was reluctant. What could she do there? At her parents’ expense, she could be a student for a while, but what then?

She’d always assumed that she’d be an “ajumma” - korean housewife. She was a fantastic cook, a speed cleaner and great with kids. She had rubber gloves with her name embroidered on the wrist. That’s the life she’d been trained for. She was ready. She wasn’t ready for this.

Unlike her friend Ji Min, she hadn’t really learned to speak English all that well. She’d never put much thought into a career. The relationship was mutually beneficial both physically and spiritually, but how well they really knew each other was a question she couldn’t answer. Communication was effective, but never deep.

Oh if only the girls could trade places. The guys probably wouldn’t have minded. That’s crazy talk. Or is it?

She could ask him to stay another year, to feel things out more, though neither of them really cared for their Korean life. Dining out was fun. But the couple of hours a day they shared between his finishing work and her curfew left them little opportunity to give “playing house” a fair chance. They ate together and fooled around. He was never a part of their family, nor was he ever asked to be.

I knew the English teacher. Well, I met him. He seemed ok. He’d never made any attempt to learn the language though and I sensed that didn’t matter as his plan was to remove Ji Moon from Korea, or “free her” as he put it.

Why all this rush? Korean girls are dependents. Each belongs to a man – a fate they’ve accepted and made the best of. The new trend of “alpha women” are privileged exceptions to the norm who you read about in the business pages.

Ji Min and Ji Moon belonged to their fathers and would always until the time came when a nice enough guy appeared who was willing and able to assume the role of provider. At which point, she could leave daddy’s home and become the manager of her own. The frustration of always being a “child” at home was a daily “push” to be proactive and a constant preoccupation.

So the question at the table was – who was better off, now that they were parting ways. Each envied the other. One for the security that lay ahead, the other for the adventure, or at least the possibility of one, that lay ahead of her.

Me? I had a headache, no interest in the conversation (until now) and my beer was done about an hour ago. Why was I still sitting there? Maybe I was learning something. It seems like everyone’s stories have common threads here, particularly the sad or difficult parts.

Sometimes you sense that gaining some insight into how one Korean might see you is essentially insight into how all of them might see you.

There was a prime time reality show on TV here that, for an entire week of episodes, featured the daily life a mixed couple – a Korean girl and her British husband. The little details of their life were a fascination to Koreans as much as the very concept – which is still considered quite an “odd” and almost experimental thing to do with one’s life. I didn’t get much, but could see the humor in it.

This is a show that also features homosexuals coming out of the closet and girls who become hostesses, anything of shock value.

I can’t possibly explain, in one blog entry, why a mixed-racial relationship is controversial in Korea.

Despite the close political and economic ties that Korea now has with America, there seems to be far too much cultural obligation to the family and homeland for one person to walk away from for love or whatever the reason may be, without carrying a burden of guilt. Families want their young to study abroad but they’re expected to return – and be successful here.

It’s probably true that not since the troops arrived from the west to help fight off North Korea in the fifties have foreigners been so welcome in South Korea as they are right now. There seems to be a genuine interest in, and appreciation for those who’ve come from abroad to stay for a while. By that, I mean an interest that goes beyond, and is more sincere than, just tourism dollars.

Nevertheless, a “but not in my family” attitude prevails, which made the TV show such a hit.

Ji Min will follow a tradition that women in her family have probably followed since as far back as the story goes – unless there are shameful secrets of Japanese tainting the bloodline (but that’s another story). She’ll live her life by a set of guidelines that will ensure the days, months and years pass according to plan. There will be dramas but nothing that a tough woman with good friends can’t overcome.

Ji Moon is taking risks.

The topic of fidelity also came up. It always seems to. Korean girls will tell you that the Korean guys are perfect gentlemen until the moment you marry them. Then something happens. According to Time Magazine, 65% of married men in Korea openly admitted to dating other women. The women, far from being helpless victims who sit home sobbing, scored almost 50% in the same survey. This is just part of how things work here.

For this reason, there is a common misconception that “westerners” are more faithful couples in their married lives. But considering the divorce statistics from the US and Canada, you could argue this one either way.

So in comparing cultures, you inevitably ask the question - which really is more honorable, a discreet affair or an open confession and a divorce? Is it possible to step outside of one’s cultural upbringing and answer that objectively? Ha ha.

Of course, the correct answer is that both paths are disgraceful ones – in this perfect world in which we all live, right? I’m not saying this fate awaits either girl. But I can guarantee it’s something they’ve pondered more than once.

It sounded to me like, for these girls anyway, it wasn’t a matter of being attracted to white skin or yellow. It was more a question of life being forever predictable or life being forever unpredictable. And whether that road be one or the other or a bit of both, most of us just want to meet someone nice enough to walk with.

Anyone about to leap into an ocean of uncertainty has a friend who has made all the right moves, someone who will forever leave them second guessing.

Hate to stop here, but it’s bedtime.

Chuseok - Korean Harvest Moon

It’s universally agreed upon that alcohol slows brain activity.

Koreans believe that chewing on hard foods that are difficult to break down in your mouth stimulates brain activity.

Right now, I’m drinking a whiskey and chomping on some dried banana snacks, which must put my brain in about second gear – we’re moving somewhere but we might never get there.

School is closed most of this week for Chusok - the Korean Harvest Moon Celebration.

If I told you the significance, I’d be copying straight from a book. From my experience, all it’s been about for me so far is sleeping in late and doing absolutely nothing. Which, compared to an average day of chaos in Korea, is pretty sweet and well-deserved for all of us.

Chuseok falls on the 15th day of the 8th lunar month – late September or early October. It’s just one day but schools and companies close for 3 or 4 days to let people travel home.

It’s the most important holiday of the year for Koreans. They don’t run wild in the streets with their shirts off. It’s a very quiet and peaceful time where family comes first. Families unite and head to the hometown. They spend a lot of time preparing traditional foods, huge meals and the kimchi goes without saying. They also visit the gravesites of their relatives who have died.

The ceremony - here goes…

Bulcho – cutting the weeds around the family plot at the cemetery.
Song Myo – cleaning up around the graves and leaving food offerings to their ancestors.
Cha Re – praying at shrines erected in the grandparents’ house to remember dead family relatives.
Mukda - eat, eat, and eat some more

I noticed the kids around town are dressed in their traditional clothes “hanbok” which are really colorful and make you want to dig the camera out for a picture.

It’s an exclusive family event, which I can respect. So for foreigners, there are demonstrations and “photo op’s” going on during the day at the various royal palaces and the tourist attractions. Or, if you’re like me, it’s just “down time”.

It’s times like this when I’m reminded that it’s really language that excludes us, not race. Ah, the power of communication.

The streets are quieter than I’ve ever seen them in the city. It reminds me of Buenos Aires in January, when you look around and say, “hey, where did everybody go?” and you hope to yourself that they just stay there for a long time. I love seeing business grind to a halt.

The weather has been great and everyone seems full of smiles. The sky is clear and the air is clean for a change. It’s been a great chance to relax and forget about work.

As far as work goes here, nothing has changed over the years. I haven’t been paid this month. And if they can’t find the money by the end of the week, it looks like I’ll be going to court.

Let the good times roll !!!

Fake World

I’ve been planning to write a story about this fake world we live in – using examples in Asia, but not exempting North America. I noticed yesterday that I was beaten to the punch by retired Korean journalist Joh Se Hyon, and he nailed it well.

On a topic like this, where the hell do you begin, and where could you possibly end, feeling like you’ve said enough. Joh was talking about the multi-billion dollar industry of brand name rip-offs in China and how Koreans can’t rightly laugh at that without a look in the mirror. There’s a reason why this country was long coined the “shopper’s paradise”.

Joh says “…every developing nation eventually reaches the point where…it should be able to make products it can truly call its own”.

What I noticed first, and where it stands out more than anywhere else really, was the pop culture. Every rich and famous musician/artist here is blatantly ripping off music from the American and Latin pop scene. What do you get when you duplicate a pile of shit? - another stinking pile of shit.
Only it smells worse because pretentious behavior is glorified and encouraged. Wealth is flaunted shamelessly - another page taken from the Western book of life. The Korean Spice Girls, now pursuing their prospective solo careers, were called the Wonder Girls.

To quote Joh again, who incidentally, being a Korean himself, makes me sound less like a critical foreigner and more of an observer, “the main difficulty stems from the lack of ideas and creativity on the part of the manufacturers, researchers and business leaders as well as ordinary people. And we can blame this on education, which instead of fostering the development of creativity in young people, has been teaching students to compete against each other by the rote memorization of mathematical formulas and historical facts.”

It’s also nice to hear such a viewpoint coming from a man of his age, who here in Asia always seem to be stereotyped as “old school” thinkers far too stubborn to recognize the obvious.

This blog entry originally began as “The Façade”.

When I hear the word façade, for some reason I think of the downtowns back home, from Gastown in Vancouver on the West Coast to Charlotte Street in Sydney on the East Coast.

Developers knock down a building and save the one wall facing the sidewalk. They rebuild the entire structure behind it and proudly present a new and stylish commercial property on a street that maintains credibility for having historical appeal in a land where our heritage is highly valued. That’s a façade.

Here in Asia, most of the cities have been destroyed in wars. Temples and palaces that have survived the wars have been protected by cultural laws. Outside of that, any demolitions are fair game. The newer the better.

The word façade came to me here when I was trying to buy a magazine one day. Staring at the rack in the shop, there were so many to choose from. The covers all had English names and English features. As I opened one after another, not a single one of them was actually an English magazine. They were splashed all over with English words. But not a single story I could read. The substance of every publication was in Korean Hangul.

I noticed the same thing at the news stand, trying to buy a newspaper. They all have English names, and every column has an English title. But there is absolutely no content in English. Every time I pick one up, I say “damn it, fooled again! That’s the last time.” Until the next time.

Moving on down the street to the bars and restaurants. Every bar has an English name. Inside, there MIGHT be an English menu and MIGHT be an English speaking server, but you can’t count on either. I’m not saying that’s what I’m looking for. I’m usually out to avoid that.

I really only go out for dinner these days and I have my favorite places where I can have a truly authentic Korean experience. The English signage is not meant for me at all. It’s not an international look to help the traveler. English attracts the Korean consumer.

One of the funniest concepts, I think, is the widely used term – Western Bar. I imagined country music, plastic cups, a jukebox, maybe a mechanical bull. At the very least, I assumed that such a place would be familiar to a foreigner from the “west”. Not a chance. It might just mean they have Justin Timberlake in their CD collection.

Any English word will do for a name. “Friend And Talk Bar” for example. Some bars in my neighborhood can’t even be bothered to work out a word. We have “C Bar”, “J Bar” and “X Bar” and “B2 Bar”. Now, even just a letter will do.

Turning on the radio, every song has an English title, performed by a singer with an English nickname. The chorus (the title repeated) is in English. The verses are written and sung in Korean. Television is worse.

The Façade of Seoul is English. A dab will do ya. Splash it here. Splash it there. English sells.

The Line

You have to wonder, in our fake world, if the breaking point will come – where we draw the line.

What body part will women decide to modify that finally makes men go “ok, that’s enough”. I recently saw an Asian girl with an “Italian style nose job” – narrow and pointy. It was beyond creepy.

In his article, one of Joh’s main points was that the imitations and fabrications are often just as good as and sometimes even better than the original brand. The copies sell. Another obvious fact is that it’s just easier. So where’s the motivation to be authentic?

The Korean version of Christina Aguilera is better. She is a Korean girl. She speaks the language her fans do. And she looks like they do, only hotter. Her shows are more accessible and the tickets are cheaper.

Well, I found out where Koreans draw the line – Fake Diplomas.

One of the most notorious characters in the news these days is Shin Jeong Ah. She was an assistant professor at Dongguk University, recently exposed for having lied about obtaining her Masters and PhD degrees in the US.

She’s since fled to the US to “sort out the mistake and prove her innocence”. There’s been a huge investigation into her life. Turns out she was having an affair with a Presidential Secretary who might have used his position to get her the job at the university. She lived lavishly. Drove a BMW, had huge downtown apartment, exclusive club memberships. The daily news brings us updates on the money trail. And they lead to her sugar daddy.

A local paper just published a nude photo of her on the weekend, which she claims is a fake.

As the investigation continued, they found out that a president of the university hadn’t finished high school.

The scandal has led to a long list of high profile confessions, as the rich and famous have started a coming out party. There’s no doubt they fear being exposed and hope the open remorse of a confession will save their reputation.

There have been articles in the paper recommending that foreigners currently teaching in Korea with fake diplomas leave the country immediately. The government has tried in the past to crack down on this and it’s never worked.

So this is the story we could just keep adding examples to forever and ever. You stop when you’re tired and it’s time to go to bed I guess. My new Beatles t-shirt cost me 3 dollars. That’s awesome.

Mulberry Leaf Tea

So I’m having my very first cup of Mulberry Leaf Tea. It’s a bit of an Asian tradition but not easy to find. I didn't have to find it. It was a gift. It smells like a forest would. I’m living downtown, so I notice this right away. It has a very earthy taste.

Historically, mulberry was considered useful to the Chinese, the Celts and the Greeks. The berries from the bush are an excellent supplemental source of protein and can be used to make a syrup for treating stomach disorders. The tea leaves were found to have medicinal qualities.

Japanese scientists discovered that mulberry leaves could be used as a supplement in the treatment of diabetes. It’s also been scientifically proven to help prevent arteriosclerosis, stroke and heart disease.

Legend has it that Leizu, a Chinese empress, wife of the Yellow Emperor, first discovered silk in the mulberry trees on their property in the 28th century BC. She saw the silkworms eating the mulberry leaves and spinning cocoons. She asked her husband for a mulberry grove to cultivate so she could domesticate the worms. The Chinese credit her with inventing the silk loom.

Here in Korea, a traditionally popular treat (though disgusting to a lot of foreigners) is eating silkworm larvae. They’re cooked up on the street in stands, usually near schools, ‘cause the kids eat ‘em.

On Jeju Island, Korea, the silkworm larvae are dried, ground into powder and made into supplements in pill form.

You can learn a lot when you buy anything in Korea. They love to talk about where things come from and what they’re good for, which I love about this place. But to be honest, I picked it up, thinking about that song “here we go round the mulberry bush” from elementary school.

Abe Resigns

So amid tons of scandals – too many for me to bother going into here – Shinzo Abe is done with being Prime Minister in Japan. I’ll assume that made the papers back home. It was front page here and still is. They despise the Japanese and watch them closely. Economics makes everything that happens on the island relevant here on the peninsula. Abe will be remembered for controversy. No doubt about that.

One thing I can say that I noticed and liked about the guy was that he didn’t visit the Yasukuni Shrine in Tokyo on national holidays. The Shrine has a memorial to Japanese war heroes, who became war criminals after the surrender and the Tokyo trials that followed the war. “Heroes” and “Criminals” are relative terms that depend on whose side you’re on, who wins, who loses and what happens afterwards.

His predecessor, Junichiro Koizumi, made it a point to visit the memorial every holiday without fail. This drove the Koreans and the Chinese crazy, who still feel the Japanese haven’t apologized enough for what they’ve done. It was taken as an insult everywhere but in Japan. Even in Japan, the ritual was questioned and debated.

Abe was also highly controversial, internationally but especially in Japan, for wanting to rewrite the pacifist constitution to allow Japan to mobilize a military program. His argument is that they have a national right to defend their borders, and they would be better able to contribute to international peacekeeping missions.

Since 1945, Japan has relied on a US military occupation for national security. It has been legally against their constitution for the government to use any military aggression to deal with international disputes. It’s pretty much unanimous here in Korea that no one wants to see Japan become a military power.

Birthdays

Koreans have two birthdays each, with maybe a few miraculous exceptions. Sounds sweet but neither of them has very much significance in Korean society anyway.

Celebrating birthdays is a new thing here – a borrowed custom. So you might get dinner but you don’t cash in on the presents at all.

The birthday on a Korean’s passport and driver’s license is his or her “due date” – what the doctor figures to be nine months from conception.

The birthday they celebrate with their friends and the day they most consider to be their birthday is the day that they were actually born.

Asking the kids about their birthdays in class is always a confusing one. I do it anyway. I love the confusion.

Neither of them really matters because on New Year’s Day all Koreans become a year older than they were on December 31st.

To further complicate matters, they’re considered one year old when they are born. So calculating their age in our terms is not always that easy for them to do.

Some can just subtract a year. Others subtract two. Someone born on, let’s say December 1st, became two years old just one month after he or she was born.

So “how old are you?” is always a fun classroom question too.

Hangul - Vague and Mysterious Still

“Hangul mal moteyo ?”
This is how Koreans ask if you can speak their language.
“Anieyo.” - is always my response, meaning “no”.

I’ve been having the hardest time trying to understand anything at all these days. There are peaks and valleys, I guess.

One day you feel like you’ve had a breakthrough. Someone asks you something. You get it. You can’t respond but at least you know what they want. And it feels good.

Then the next day, even the easiest words that you learned on the first day have faded away completely. So you just say, “ok. Thank you,” to whatever it was and hope that works.

One thing I figure that I have learned about Hangul (the Korean language) is that it’s vague.

When we tell stories in English, we need all the details if we’re going to follow. We don’t always listen carefully. We don’t always have to. We miss words but get the gist, so long as the essential ones are emphasized.

I could be completely wrong on this but Korean seems like a very economical language for the speaker and hard work for the listener. So much seems inferred.

For example: (I’m translating directly into English)
- Weekend, how?
- Mountain, went.
- Ah

This seems to be enough information. It’s possible that because Korean people all tend to like and do the same things, that you should know the rest. The next question would be “what did you eat in the mountains?”

False assumptions might be made but as the listener, you’re given the blocks and you put the story together for yourself.

This works perfectly fine for them. They fly with it. It becomes confusing when a foreigner is involved in the conversation.

I noticed this problem again recently when some of my students asked me if I had done my military service. (Koreans have to do two years of it.)

I responded with, “No, I didn’t go” – which was all that I knew how to say. What I wanted to say was that in Canada I “didn’t have to go”. So naturally, they then asked the Korean teacher why I didn’t do my military service, thinking I had skipped out on it.

Another example:

Suppose you ask a woman, “where’s your husband?”
And she says, “opsoyo”.
That could mean – I don’t have one.
Or - He’s not here.
Thinking like a North American, this is a bit ambiguous and I need more information. But really, her message is the same either way.
What is there to clarify?

Another Angle

Looking at this from another angle, it’s not discouraging at all but rather motivating me to try to learn it. When you realize the mileage you can get out of just one word or phrase – it can apply to so many situations. You may not be very interesting but you get by.

September 11, 2007

It’s hard to believe 6 years have now gone by since the planes hit the world trade center in New York. For our generation, this will be the typical “do you remember where you were when…?” question. Like the day Elvis died, for my parents.

I was working in Citibank, Buenos Aires. My English classroom in the company was a bit like a fixed up storage closet. There were no windows and with the door shut, it was soundproof.

I couldn’t see a thing but every class that came and went that day was all about the students trying to explain to me what the hell was going on.

When I got a break, I ran out to watch the news, which was on TVs all over the company. A few people asked me if I was ok. Those who don’t know you tend to assume that you’re American.

I watched a lot of CNN that week. It was the only English channel we could get on the old TV.

The News stands

CNN is one of two English news channels I can get on my TV here in Korea. I refuse to watch CNN. The other, Arirang TV, is worse. There are some interesting shows that teach Korean culture. But for news, it’s a joke.

It’s the channel that serves the local foreign community – most of whom are the American soldiers stationed here. So it’s a bit like the video version of the “stars and stripes”. The anchorwoman reads the news wearing combat fatigues.

I read the newspaper on the subway every morning – The Korea Times, which was started in 1953 to serve the Americans who were being stationed for longer stays here after the war. It’s a bit like a small town press in a big city. But I can usually find enough pages of reading to last my trip back and forth to work. There’s always plenty of talk about North and South and what to do about it, which I find fascinating.

When I had early morning classes in August, the news stands were closed when I passed them on my way to work. They are also closed every Saturday and Sunday – the days one would most feel like sitting back with a cup of coffee and reading the paper.

So as the debate goes on over whether or not the internet will kill the newspaper, that’s something the press could keep in mind. Why is it so hard to find a newspaper? They’re letting the internet beat them down.

Radio survived the internet. Not only that, it’s stronger than ever. I’m a bit of a radio junkie. And here in Korea, even more so. I have all the stations and programs I like from back home all dialed up. With the 16 hour time difference, it can get weird listening to the morning shows at night and vice versa.

September 10,2007

Another Korea – by Andrei Lankov

This is a daily column in the Korea Times newspaper. He’s a Russian writer who teaches university here in Seoul.

The column for me has been, by far, the most interesting source of information on Korean history and culture that I’ve encountered. I didn’t expect to be learning so much about Korea from a Russian.

It’s possible that being a foreigner may give his writing the edge that one needs to tackle history properly. But I enjoy it and highly recommend it – particularly for the insight he offers into North Korean life, which still seems quite enigmatic even living just an hour from the border.

Ironically, most of my education for learning the streets of downtown Buenos Aires came from a Russian ex-pat as well. His name was Igor.

In The News:

The Hostages

The Korean hostages in Afghanistan, who were released last week, came out of the hospital for the first time today since they returned to Korea. They attended the funeral service for the group leader – Reverend Bae Hyung Kyu, who was shot and killed by the Taliban.

I thought they were still in Afghanistan. So that shows how well I’ve been following the news lately. Then again, the few people I mentioned this to today were also surprised. I guess the “gripping suspense” wore off.

Adultery

The top court in Korea is reviewing the Law Against Adultery – on the grounds that “sex is a natural human desire and it is inappropriate to restrict it by law”.

Under the current law, an adulterer or adulteress can be punished with a maximum two-year prison sentence.

According to Time Magazine, about 65% of Korean men dated other women after they married and 41% of women dated other men.

Not long ago, some local journalists exposed a string of brothels operating near the Incheon International Airport, just outside Seoul. They released names of women who were undocumented migrant workers in the sex trade and – here’s the great part – publicly exposed the names of some 2000+ clients, many of whom were prominent businessmen and public servants here in Seoul.

I don’t have to walk more than a block from my apartment to see that adultery is as Korean as kimchi. Couples don’t suspect it, they assume it. Still, it’s always worth a laugh when it comes out in public discussion.

Monday is “Seoul Car-Free Day”

This is a local spin-off of World Car Free Day, which started in France in 1997. It will be the second year for it here in Seoul. Drivers don’t have to leave their cars home, but they’re encouraged to do so.

These people love their cars. I’m not crossing my fingers on this one.

I’ve said it so many times - this city would be fantastic if there just weren’t so many cars stinking it up.

I looked out my classroom window this afternoon. It was a beautiful, hot, sunny day and I couldn’t see the mountain. It’s the largest mountain in the city – a massive, picturesque rock face that blocks out half the sky throughout the entire north of the city and I couldn’t see it.

Car free-day is a great start. But we need a car-free YEAR here. Seoul has the best bus and subway system that I’ve ever seen. Yet people are convinced they can’t buy rice without taking the car.

Everyone who makes the trip to Japan from here notes how much cleaner the air is over there. And they all seem to figure that it must be because it’s an island. But there’s another factor. It’s called the BICYCLE.

I miss my “mama chari”. That’s an old beater of a Japanese bicycle “charingo” with one gear, warped rims and a basket. It got me everywhere I needed to be. It wasn’t exercise equipment. It was a means of transportation.

Korean Fact

Korea has the 4th lowest birthrate in the world - 1.19 babies per woman.

The average is 2.56 for UN member countries.

Hong Kong, the Ukraine and Slovakia were 1, 2 and 3 on the list.


Holidays

“Chusok” is coming ! It’s the biggest Korean holiday of the year. It coincides with the harvest – late September. It’s a five-day long weekend. I haven’t got a clue what I’ll be doing – but I won’t be working. I can’t wait.

In August we had a holiday to celebrate “Korean Independence Day”. It happened to fall on a Wednesday this year. But a break in the middle of the week is always a nice surprise.

Then I found out we had to come in to work on the following Saturday to make up the classes !

So now I’m wondering how many Saturdays this Chusok thing will cost me.

The Greenland Spa

Having been sick lately, I decided it was time to head to the Korean spa for some healing.

If you’re not a fan of kimchi, Korea would still be a worthwhile experience just for the spas alone. They’re probably the best thing about being here, not counting the barbecues.

We went to Greenland spa, which turned out to be kind of a fancy shwanky place by my standards. It was the largest spa I’d ever seen.

It’s located about 45 minutes southeast of Seoul in the mountain valley. The air is fresh. Thick mountains of spruce trees surround the pools.

And it would even be silent, if not for the “circus side show” going on in the eating room. It featured dancers, karaoke singers and jugglers.


Like many Korean spas, there is the choice of bathing in the separated “men’s only” and “women’s only” sections. Clothes are not worn in these sections. I didn’t take any pics.
There is also the option to bring your bathing suit and use the general spa. This is where the families and couples tend to go.

The Massage Pools

the indoor massage pools

The Outdoor Pools

It had the feel of a resort. But being there on a weekday, the pool was empty and we had the place practically to ourselves.

The water caves have TV screens inside.

And spa chicks too

The Hot Tubs

There was a huge variety of therapeutic baths – and I jumped in every one of them.

The Aloe Bath

The Lemon Bath

The Mint Bath

The Chocolate Bath

The Herbal Medicine Bath

The Jung Jong Liquor Bath

Jung Jong is a special liquor that Korean don’t drink regularly and you really don’t see it in the stores or the bars. They break it out for rare occasions like holidays and family get togethers.

The Wine Bath

Not pictured were two of my favorite baths. One was the “Rose Bath”. And the other was a bath of “Mae Shil”, which I think is called Japanese Apricot. It’s best known in Korea as the fruit used to make “Mae Hwa Su” – a sweet tasty wine that they drink with dinner.

Rubber Helmet Required

Doctor Fish

A special feature of this spa was the Doctor Fish Pool.

You pay a little extra and for half an hour you can let thousands of small fish chew on your flesh.

The idea is that they chew off the dead skin. It’s supposed to be great for your skin. And with Asians, you can’t argue with them on these matters. Their skin is the softest and smoothest you’ll see.

It wasn’t relaxing. In fact, the whole half hour was aggravating. The bites don’t exactly hurt but they drive you mad.

I dipped my legs in from about the knees down and let them chew on my feet. But that seemed like plenty enough for them.

The funny thing was that there were other people in the pool but the minute I put my feet in, all the fish went for me, especially the big ones. It was like they’d never tasted anything so good. I was getting all the attention. I must’ve had some pretty sick feet.

There were two insane people lying flat in the water. Next time, I’m going for it.

The fish are tiny but vicious. I spent the half hour watching them eat one another in the pool and fighting for the best of my flesh.

JIM JIL BANG

The main floor of the spa was a Jim Jim Bang – sauna.

Jim Jil Bangs are small, elaborate, one-room cedar or stone houses set up side by side with varying temperatures. The walls and ceilings of the interior are lined with jade and other precious stones to form hypnotic patterns for you to stare as you lie there.

This Jim Jil Bang had four rooms. One at 74 degrees, one at 85, then the “oven” – at 95 degrees, which I tried but couldn’t get inside. The house and the door actually looked like a traditional Korean oven.

The other was the “snow house” at 6 degrees. It had snow all around the walls and ceilings and was essentially like being inside an icebox.

Koreans generally go back and forth from the hot house to the snow house. We did that about 4 times.

Jim Jil Bangs are most popular with Korean women. They believe that the heating and cooling of the skin over and over will remove wrinkles and slow the aging process.

There’s obviously more to it than that, like dealing with menopause and stuff that I wouldn’t understand.

Men like the saunas too. But it’s not as important to them as it is for the women - Something about the male genitalia not needing any excessive heat. Again, more stuff over my head.

The Therapeutic Stream Walk

After the sauna, you can go outside and walk through a stream that meanders through a garden. The water is cool and about a foot deep.

The floor of the stream is concrete with rough and smooth edged stones sticking out from the bottom in various patterns. The idea is to step on them. If you are truly healthy, your feet will feel no pain on the stones.

I limped and stumbled through it. My feet had suffered enough for one day.