Christmas Eve on the Road to Ko Chang

Tour bus service so far is frustrating – and this is not even really a tour, but just transit. Hours are lost, shuffling passengers from one bus to another. It was 9am before we actually hit the road to get out of Bangkok. And it was the same thing all day yesterday. I guess I’ve got a bad case of the Japan/Korea lifestyle training in my blood now – no patience for those who can’t get there act together and make things happen on time.

So on my Thai vacation, I have to undo a year’s training in Japanese efficiency and just loosen up. Here, even Korea seems uptight. The same happened to me in Mexico. We were laughed at for being uptight white boys who couldn’t relax, always on a schedule. I saw myself as anything but that.

On the way out of town, I had my head out the window. We passed a Tuk Tuk driver taking two very white, very blonde and very young girls into a T.A.T. office. The daily routine. Two more get scammed. Hopefully, they’ll ask the agent for a business card before he tosses their travel plans in the trash and makes them cry.

After sifting our way through the lies and confusion, we stuck to our original plan and got our tickets to Ko Chang on the east coast. The bus stops in Trat province, near the Cambodian border, where we catch the ferry to Ko Chang. Turned out to be the best move we could’ve made.

The past three days, things moved faster than I could keep up with them. There was really no time for notes. No time for even registering mentally what I was taking in so that I could remember it. Now with a 6 hour bus ride, I’ve got a chance to think about it for a bit.

Our hotel in Bangkok, Thai Cozy House on Tanee Road, has a tailor shop on the main floor. Thais are always trying to sell suits to backpackers, for some reason. They don’t get it. Then again, I asked one of the dealers where he was from and he said Nepal. So a lot of these shops might be foreign.

Anyway, this tailor shop in particular, advertises by plastering the walls of the entire hotel, the inside of the elevator, the rooms, everywhere, with bogus testimonials from travelers all over the world – Australia, US, UK, Germany – all written in brutally bad English, so bad that it couldn’t be them. And the guys in the photos are wearing shorts and sandals, posing with tailor.

On the window at the front is a big photo of the shop owner with “national hockey player Joe Sakie – a valued customer”. Slight spelling mistake. The photo was way too funny.

The only other thing even remotely Canadian that I’ve seen here is Dentyne gum. Is that even Canadian? No idea.

Swedish man beside me is about 60 years old and listening to hard core heavy metal absolutely cranked in his headphones. His wife poked him and snapped at him to turn it down.

In Bangkok, the main boulevard near the Royal Palace is lit up at night with millions upon millions of Christmas lights draped over the road and falling from the trees like tear drops for as far as the eye can see. The most impressive Christmas light display I’ve ever seen.

On Kao San Road last night, one bar was blasting a Nickelback album. Is there no escape? Further down, another was playing Europe – the Final Countdown – a song that’s still alive and well in the tourist ghettos of Asia, as if it were a newly released single just hitting the charts.

Seven hours in a minivan on Christmas Eve to an island where we have no reservations made for accommodations and no idea what to do when we get there. Christmas could go one way or the other. I’m crossing my fingers and counting on karma for this one. We are in the land of karma.

Over breakfast, I was thinking about arriving in Florianopolis, Brazil after a 40+ hour bus ride from Buenos Aires. It was after midnight and I was walking down the street in the dark, looking for a park bench to sleep on, when a nice guy said hello and wanted to talk. He called his dad, who in turn showed up in his car to pick me up and take me to his friend’s house – who in turn woke up and let me stay in his extra room and even woke his wife up to cook me up some of their leftovers from dinner for a late night meal. It’s that kind of karma that I’m counting on for tonight. I’ve been a good boy.

Bangkok. Skinny cats. Tired sickly dogs lying around all over the roads and sidewalks. They look dead. They’re not as scary as Mexican dogs who gather in packs and chase you down the street, or down the beach at night; or Argentine dogs that run wild in the campgrounds and circle your tent, growling and frothing at the mouth while you shiver in your sleeping bag. Here, they just look tired.

I’m reminded again that poverty for so many is a case of inequality. In poor countries, their own wealthy class have more than I could ever dream of. Yet it’s the empathy of a traveler that keeps a beggar alive to eat another day. The story of Latin America. The story of southeast Asia.

How many people can you fit in the back of an open pick up truck doing 140 km per hour on the freeway. Count the heads and feet sticking out of the pile and figure it out.

It reminds me of my high school grad year when that truck full of my drunk classmates overturned, while going from the dance at the bicentennial gym to Charlotte street downtown. Fourteen bodies flew wild in every direction. Some of them died.

It’s the same feeling I get when I see families of five here riding on the same motorbike without helmets. They definitely have a different perception of danger than I do. I’m sure the same things happened when they were in high school. Are they just better at forgetting that stuff? Or am I just more afraid of death than I should be?

Kao San Road, I can confirm, is still one of the world’s hip strips. Debauchery on every imaginable level, yet a calming vibe of safety and innocence. Open, friendly and sweaty. Gorgeous women in summer dresses. Cheap street food, open bars on the sidewalks, massage parlors, hair braiding.

But, at the far end, near the police station, there’s a huge ugly spot. Half a block has been ripped up and a massive complex is under construction. That is, I think Starbucks is on the way. This should transform a sizeable portion of Kao San into a replica of Robson Street in Vancouver, some kind of international yuppie hell. Ten dollar coffees and brand name shopping bags. It’s a shame really. But the Kao San scene won’t change. It’ll just move.

Our hotel, two blocks over from Kao San, seems primed to become the next evolutionary step for the international backpacker scene in Bangkok. Who these people are, and what they want, evolves by moving, not by changing. You can’t sell them ten dollar chai lattes. The seedy back alleys, cheap ant-infested accoms, and the fact that it’s not trendy, is the essence of its appeal. Trendy streets are what many have come here to escape – that and cold, stormy weather, boring, meaningless jobs and the reliance on television and msn for a sense of companionship. Well, everyone has their reasons. But judging from the overall intensity, I’d say that people have some steam to let off. Myself included.

People watching in Bangkok gets old in a hurry. Plenty of white men with beer guts, tattoos, sunburns and flybites and oh yeah, their hookers. But Kao San is not really a red light district. True, everywhere is. But it’s toned down a lot in the Kao San area and there’s lots of room for couples to go out and have a good time too.

British people use the word “astounding” a lot. I hear it about three or four times a day.

There’s much less to see on the road east to Trat province. Plantations, roadside restaurants, but very little in terms of civilization. The road west towards Burma was much more developed.

Our room in Bangkok was overpriced. I know that now. But no ants. That might've been worth the extra few bucks.

I did Mexico on the cheap, where the lowest price in town was all that mattered. Ceiling fans are so noisy that they keep you awake all night and are essentially pointless. And I’ll always remember one of our first nights in Merida. I slept in the hammock. Terry took the bed. When I think of Terry waking up with his entire back covered in a red rash of ant bites and all swollen up, well, maybe spending a bit extra this time around is not such a bad idea.

This trip should be the longest one we take in Thailand. With just under two weeks of play time and so much to see and do, the less time we spend on the bus, the better.

For that reason, as well as the money factor, we’ve decided against doing many cool things, which I’m noting as things that I have to do next time. I’m only three days in and I’ve already got my next trip almost completely planned.

The beaches in the south of Thailand are the famous ones – Ko Samui, Krabi, Ko Phi Phi (where “the beach” was filmed). We’ll miss all of that. But it’s a 12 hour overnight bus or train south. Returning, that’s over 24 hours of travel from Bangkok. Also, being Christmas time, we’d totally be taken for all we’re worth once we got there. So that is all in the books for another time. Considering how often I get to the beach, that could be years away.

Also the trip east from Bangkok to Angkor Wat in Cambodia is on everyone’s list – but one that we just don’t have time for. It’s a three day trip from Bangkok – one day’s travel each way, plus you have to make sure you’re there for the sunset. The Cambodian Visa is $120 US. So it doesn’t seem right to buy the visa if you’re going to pop in and out of the country. So another one on the list for another time.

We’ll be very close to the Cambodian border when we stop in the province of Trat. You can see it, just a short motorbike taxi ride away, along the coast. There are boat trips down the coast. But I hear the beaches in Ko Chang are better anyway. That’s one for backpackers on a trek. Will save that one for another time.

On the road, you're overwhelmed not only by what you're doing and what you're going to do, but even more so by what you won't be doing.

We decided on Ko Chang – “Thailand’s Second Largest Island”, as all the brochures say. (The largest and most famous is Phuket). Ko Chang is postcard beautiful. The islands to the east of Bangkok are a closer drive – perfect in our situation. That also means more Thai holiday travelers from Bangkok and less international resort packages.

Local websites say it’s quickly becoming the “Phuket of the Future”. More resorts, more noise, higher prices, all the negatives that come with development. So now is the time to check it out. There are elephant camps, monkeys, waterfalls, and exotic jungle wildlife, like pythons and crocodiles. 90% of the island is still untouched rainforest. There are two good waterfall hikes, clean beaches, fishing, snorkeling and plenty of fun stuff.

The traffic noise of Bangkok is still ringing in my ears and the pollution is still in my throat, but we’re far from that now. The transvestite at the front desk who flirted with me non-stop will give me nightmares for many nights to come. But Bangkok is behind us.

Feeling better today. Finally a good night’s sleep – at least 6 hours – the most I’ve had so far. And so far, no emergency runs to the toilet. Fingers crossed.

At the ferry terminal, we bought our return tickets to Bangkok, ferry included, confirming that our trip from Bangkok was a rip-off. Surprise, surprise.

The ferry was a beautiful half hour trip. At Ko Chang terminal, everyone piled into taxis – pick up trucks with benches in the back and luggage racks above – who took us down the west coast of the island, up, down and around, through the mountains to arrive at lonely beach.