Local Headlines 1

Headlines from Today’s “Korea Times”

June 21, 2007. The longest Day of the Year.


Robot to Guard Cultural Sites

Name Changing Among Children Rises

Schools to Cancel Class During Ozone Warning

Magician Caught Avoiding Military Service

Ex-President’s Son to Marry TV Actress

LG Unveils Genuine Google Phone

Hands and Feet Only

Last weekend, the sun was hot and I had to get out of the city. So we went to a place out in the mountains. I forget the name but we passed Tae chon, passed yang pyung, passed young moon san, and left kyoungi-do province for kangwon-do, but just barely – maybe 20 kms. We found a park in the mountains with a rushing stream of cold clear water.

The pathway followed the stream up the mountain to a waterfall. Sera was in high-heels and I had a cooler of beer on my back. So we didn’t climb the mountain. It was too hot for that crap anyway. We found the perfect spot to bask in the shade and play in the water.

It was so far from downtown Seoul. The apartment, the job, the noise, the money, everything faded away. It felt like washing a years’ dirt off my skin. As we were leaving, we noticed lots of campers and talked about coming back again for a longer stay. I couldn’t wait.

Well, reading in the paper yesterday, coincidentally, we’ve just found out that as of July 1st, all swimming in my new favorite place will officially be ILLEGAL. The rule states – HANDS AND FEET ONLY. And that park wardens would be strictly enforcing the new law. Once again, the questions start swirling in my head and I search for new swimming holes.

Dae Ji Gogi Jip and the Barbecued Duck

Seoul is a city of a million restaurants. There are more, I think. And going out for dinner is the national pastime. The search is overwhelming and as far as I’m concerned, usually a mood killer. It’s great to have your favorites you can go back to again and again. Being a regular, you also get lots of freebies. The “ajuma” (old lady who cooks/waitresses/owns the place), if she likes you, will mother you – dropping vegetables and unrecognizable treats in your bowl and forcing you to eat them, things like that.

So the place I go is in Non-hyun-dong. It’s called Daejigogi Jib. (spicy pork house)

And my favorite is Daejigogi-kimchi-turuchigi. It’s a frying pan fun of tons of stuff in hot spice. I’m a sloppy eater and sometimes drunk. There are aprons for guys like me.

The drink is a variation of Soju called “Mae Hwa Su”.
It’s another rice-based wine-type drink. It goes with the pork.

My true favorite, which I don't get to do very often, is to go out and barbecue a duck. The best restaurants for this are outside the city, in the suburbs - where you can have big fire pits and massive cookouts. For easter dinner, Sera took me to one such place and we bought a duck. It had been marinating for days. We cooked it up at the table and took a photo. I don't remember the name of the restaurant, or how to find it, but it had electric palm trees at the roadside. Sounds easy, but this is korea. No shortage of crazy electric shit at the roadside.

Chung Gye Chun - A river DOES run through it

chun (stream)

The new lover’s lane of seoul.

And the path to Kwang Jang Shi Jang.


The Chun gye chun, until two years ago, was a stream buried by a road. The street was torn up to expose the stream in attempts to battle the intense summer heat of Seoul – where concrete and car heat raise the air temperature to unbearable levels. It’s not much to look at, but if nothing else, a place to take your shoes off and stick your tired feet in the water. It’s full of teens and lovebirds on their first dates, mom’s bathing their babies and old people eating.

From the East Gate (Dong dae moon), we followed the Chung Gye chun to Jong No – where old meets new in Seoul. And no better place to see the old than at the Kwang Jang Shi Jang. (Shi Jang = market). This is where you come for culture shock “fear factor” style eating that you hear about in the travel books. You can watch women making kimchi. And eat just about anything you never thought edible. It’s 2pm, hot as hell and everyone is drinking.

A lot of people come here to buy high quality chicken ass.

No English menus here. Point at something and take a leap of faith. Memory is key.
I had a drink of makoli (a rice wine) with some old men who had lots of questions for me. They gave me a lesson in proper drinking etiquette. Old men love talking to me, for some reason. They love to test my manners and then correct me. I learn something about subordination and they compliment how quickly i pick it up. Then we pour another.

A Bowl of Jeon.
This is “Modum Jeon”. Ie. Assorted. - Random meat, fish and veggies fried in pancake batter.
A traditional Anju – food eaten while drinking, in korea. (An=not, ju=alcohol).
My favorite anju is “nock doo jeon” – Korean pancake.

Koreans generally don't even think of drinking without food - and 99% of bars will insist that you buy food or start walking. They've hijacked the tradition and used it to exact a "table charge". The cheapest anju plate (because it's usually a formality and you suck it up), is the fruit plate. ie. the minimum. If you're lucky, less than $15. The fruit plate at the Hyatt Hotel in Youngsan is over $70. But that's not exactly the korea that i live in.

A tasty bowl of Dong Dong Ju.
It’s a traditional Korean rice wine drink. It can’t be bought at a liquor store or pub. You have to seek it out in specific places, little run down diners in the old neighborhoods of Seoul, like Insadong or Jongno, or out in the small towns. “Ju” is in the name of every alcohol in korea. “Dong Dong” refers, I think, to the last thing you hear before you hit the floor.
Yes, I passed out not long after this photo was taken.

Class Notes - part 2

More random notes from the korean classroom



There’s More to Life than Beer and Pork – A Wake Up Call


I go through phases where I could slap myself for saying this, but it’s true. Time is precious and there’s great work to be done. So with that, I’m writing again. More ramblings from the classroom….



No one can kill my rubber lobster


When I first set out to teach English in Asia years ago, I asked mom to send me some stuff from home that I could use in class. She mailed me a rubber lobster. Since then, I’ve bought a lot of toys and seen them all die. Nothing lasts forever I guess - except maybe for my rubber lobster. Every day I watch as the kids have at it like pit bulls on a tennis ball. It’s even been fired from a 4th floor window and run over with bicycles. It still comes out every day and squeaks when you touch it’s belly. Ah the will to live.



Asian Summer – The Macho Man Cometh



Summer in Asia can seem like a slow, painful death. The humidity has risen from a category 3 heat - 3 cold showers per day - to 4 – opening the windows just makes it worse. And now category 5 - only leave the shower to work and sleep. You eat a lot of noodles and a cold beer never tasted so good. In delirious states, you swear at appliances in your apartment for giving off heat. Like that fridge. Fuck I hate the fridge. Ok. No I don’t. She keeps the beer cold.

The Monsoon season has just finally arrived. A month of rain. Thank God. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt this way about rain.

The summer is intense. In some cultures, they take vacations, loosen the tie, take siestas, bathe in the river. There are many ways to combat intense heat. I think Koreans see it as a test to their machismo. They respond by working harder. That’s why I’m told that in August – the hottest month – my class hours will double. Korean kids celebrate summer vacation by going to school. Public programs close so private ones fill the gap. In the life of a future millionaire, there are no gaps and no siestas.



Let’s Have Dinner – The Solution to all of Life’s Problems


I told Mr. Goo I was sick and needed to see a doctor.
He said, OK talk to Sandy and we’ll have dinner next week.
I said I’m sick. I have to see a doctor.
He said, Yes, I see. You like beer and pork right. How about next Wednesday?
I said I’d like to go today.
He said, Wesley, friend, don’t worry. We’ll talk about your problems too. Do you play billiards?

Koreans won’t make any decisions on an empty stomach. They won’t make any decisions when they’re sober. There’s a solution to any problem, it’s a slow process and it’s called having dinner.



Evaluations

It’s summer - time to evaluate the program, see if the kids have learnt anything and decide whether or not our contract should be renewed. Those of you who have taught in Asia know what this means. Yes, the English Drama Competition! The only true test of one’s teaching abilities.

Our class did “Lady Choon Hyang”. It’s like a Korean romeo and Juliet but with a happy ending. Two servants fall in love and want to marry but, by law, can only do so if their masters marry first. So they concoct a scheme to bring the two together. The problem - Lady Choon Hyang is young and hot. So the evil mayor wants her for himself.

For me it was a bit confusing to watch because for one – there wasn’t much English in the play. But also, the leading roles of the handsome Moon Ryung and the Evil Mayor – both competing for Lady Choong Hyang – were played by a girl, the same girl. (because her English was the best) But in the end, I figured it out.

The Vice-Principal told us that everything was riding on this play. It would determine whether or not we still had jobs the next day. Then, to our surprise, he never showed up to watch it.



Celine’s Eye Patch – Why We Don’t Play “Pass the Ball” Anymore


Poor Celine. I don’t have to explain this one.

But I will say that this, like most of my games, worked well in Japan. But for these kids, every toy is a weapon and nothing is really fun until it’s violent. Every little game we play ends with someone crying - and someone else laughing. One punch-up in the hallway last week got bloody. The winner, Sonny, was wearing a tae-kwon-do uniform. He had blood all over him – not his own. He walked into my class and sat down. Pass the ball? – Not today.

With the rainy season starting, I’ve revised the rules of the classroom to include “no umbrella swordfighting”. The metal pointed ends are dangerous and unfair. I like a clean fight in class.


A Boy Named John Mike – Teaching Twins


Like most people I guess, I don’t know much about twins. After four months, I can’t even tell them apart yet. But I’m learning. They certainly don’t like being separated. I might have to think of them as one person – except he’s been blessed with two bodies instead of one. One’s the head, the other is the ass. Ok, not that simple. They know now that on any given day, they could both be heads. Or they could both be asses. They don’t ponder these questions. What’s there to ponder?

class notes part 1

Tuesday may 29 seoul, korea

Some Random Notes on Teaching English to Kids in Korea

What’s that smell in my classroom.
Sometimes even the kids are bothered by it. Windows are wide open. I tossed out the trash. I checked everyone’s pants for wet spots. It’s still here. The kids are saying it’s fish. I know the mothers use my classroom in the mornings. I just don’t know.

There’s no English in English Class
I find myself saying this a lot. When you start out, you imagine yourself being able to control a room of older kids, say, grades 5 and 6. They enjoy class and try hard to communicate with you. You worry about the babies. Grade One. What will I do? They don’t have two words to string together. Then as the months go by, you realize that the babies have become stars. They settle down a bit for you. They enjoy unlocking the little mysteries. They’re making sentences, and speaking tons of English in class. And the older kids you once relied on for sanity just won’t stop speaking Korean long enough for you to get a word in edgewise. It’s funny, and hard to imagine, that you, the teacher, would be the one feeling alienated and excluded in the English class. The students bond heavily with their Korean English teachers. But I have hope and his name is Henry. Henry cares.

My ears are burning off
There’s a whole lot of talk about me in class. But I don’t understand any of it. Sometimes I get it. It’s my haircut. I’m not married. I’m 16 years old. I make them bring pencils. I don’t give them stickers or candy. I’m crazy. I’ve learned to recognize enough Korean to understand some of their typical bitch sessions. But so much of it is beyond me.

Give me a stick
Sit down! Or I’ll….. say sit down again. Pretty please? As the foreign teacher, part of your job is to be a goof. That’s how they expect you to act. Everyone. The principal wants us to play games with the kids. But when the kids don’t get a sense of authority from you (you don’t carry a stick, you can’t hurt them) it’s party time. They literally run wild and can be impossible to control. My principal in Japan, who I think is a really good teacher, used to tell us never to show anger. Look disappointed, not angry. It worked for me there. But these kids in Suyu drive me to my breaking point. I sense that they only respond to punishment. It’s the only thing they respect. And I can’t punish them. Some days I am at their mercy.
One day I found a stick. Scared the crap out of them. I laughed myself silly. No one got hurt. It was a wonderful moment.

They lie, cheat and steal
That’s what I really wanted to say to the parents on report card day, but couldn’t. I was gagged and tied up in a separate room. We had to sugar-coat everything. My Korean co-teacher tells me that it’s not like this everywhere. This group is especially bad. She says it’s the neighborhood. They steal from my cabinet, steal from each other. There are full on punch-ups in class. They break my toys. They break each other’s toys. They throw garbage on the floor. They curse and swear non-stop. Do they spend their evenings and weekends in prison? Let’s blame TV.

Chill Out Man
Sometimes you get caught up in all the problems and forget to just enjoy the moment and have fun. We’re not saving lives, just playing with kids – for christ’s sake. I had a few good laughs today. Pictionary was hilarious. And I realized my own drawing skills are at about a grade three level. I had to draw a rocket. You can guess what that led to.

Sabotage – Damom, son of Satan
He’s seven years old. He’s pure evil. He’ll make a great CEO one day. Maybe Samsung.
He’s not the only little f-er to sabotage my class, but when it comes to evil, it’s as if he’s being guided, mentored by a higher power.

Hey, the doors are locked. Where is everyone? – Holidays
Do you ever feel like you’re not in the loop? Living here will change your perspective. No one tells you anything, even when it’s all about you - even if they’re all standing around you in the same room. I find out about holidays the day before, if I’m lucky enough. With flights and hotels booked months in advance of Asian holidays, it’s safe to say that I won’t be getting out of here anytime soon. A great way to save money.

set up, like a bowling pin (…knocked down, it gets to wearing thin…….) – Mr. Goo’s plan to make money
“Truckin’”, in case you don’t know the grateful dead song.
My boss told me that the previous after-school program at my elementary school failed. There was huge interest. Then there were problems. Then the English teacher was gone. The students dropped out. It was a stinker. He said it would be up to me (and the Korean co-teacher) to save the program and bring it back to life. He said it was important that the course be exciting, so as to renew faith at the school, regain support of the parents, and see the business grow to new and greater heights, etc. etc. I said I’m your man. Just supply me with the materials I need, and things will turn around. I would be “the wolf” of esl at susong. He gave me a key to my classroom, bought me a few textbooks – which arrived two weeks late. And then I haven’t seen him since. Not even a glue stick.

“Ff – finger” …and other wonderfully insightful units in my textbook.
As a teacher you have to improvise constantly. Never put your faith in the book. I could see where this lesson was going.
Korean kids have a limited working vocabulary in English. But they all know a few basics: Hello, Goodbye, Nice to Meet You, and Fuck You (pronounced "Puck you")

Judy
Judy is seven. Every day she beats on the English room door with her fists, runs in, throws her bag on the floor, gives me a hug and tells me she loves me. She’s the reason I’m teaching.

I have so much to say about teaching here but I also want to take this journal outside the classroom.
More installments to come…
- The Godfather Part I. Such a great principal, a kind and gentle principal, a loving principal. Wesley bow and say thank you for the rice.
- Pocket Dogs – why purple and orange are hot this spring
- If the river were whiskey, I’d be a diving duck
- dong shim, (shit finger) a.k.a. the equalizer – something every teacher should know before he bends over to check the homework.

king's father goes for a walk

It was the week of the HI SEOUL FESTIVAL. There were plenty of exciting events going on around town. The weather was great on my day off so I decided to explore and catch some of it. We went to a palace in Insadong called Woon Hyun Gung – The King’s Father’s House.




- hey! Check out those guys!
- Ha ha
- Does that mean the show is going to start?
- I think that WAS the show
- Oh. Cool !




As we were arriving, just outside the palace gates, we found maps and programs at a concessions stand and discovered we were just in time for the first show. It was called “The Kings Father Goes For A Walk”. And sure enough, we saw him, surrounded by security, going for a walk. We almost collided on the sidewalk. That’s why the guard pushed me.

We toured the grounds inside the palace walls. The home of the King’s father, his mother’s home (they didn’t live together), the servants’ quarters, meeting rooms, and performance area.

The king’s parents never had much real work to do. They sat around and ate all day long. (so you can see much has changed in Korean lifestyle). Life expectancy was very low for the royal family in Korea. They died young. Probably because all they did was sit around and eat all day.

The second show we caught was much more interesting than the first. MUNYEO – The Dancing Girls ! We saw quite a few dances. One was “yun hwa mu” – flower dance. This type of pink flower “yun hwa” is also used to decorate the streets of the city for Buddha’s birthday. “mu” means dance. We also saw “gum mu” – knife dance. Similar to the first but the girls whirled knives instead of flowers.

The dance is far from upbeat. It’s brilliance is more hypnotic than it is catchy. The movements are slow. Each step took about 20 seconds to complete – and she explained that it was sped up to double time for a 2007 audience (with presumably short attention spans and little appreciation for art). I was impressed. It seemed so graceful and well, hypnotic. The girl is on a small mat and she never steps off of it.

Today, I guess the MuNyeo wouldn’t sell out Madison Square Garden or give Christina Aguilera a run for her money. It’s not a show meant for the big time. And as I was watching, I noticed more people were in the crowd for cultural obligations and photographs than those who were there for a wild time. I think most people were thinking about food. But I can see how, in a more quiet and intimate setting, with some rice wine and fish, this dance would give you goosebumps. It would be a sight to behold – and thus, for royals only. All night I dreamed about being king.