Class Notes - part 2

More random notes from the korean classroom



There’s More to Life than Beer and Pork – A Wake Up Call


I go through phases where I could slap myself for saying this, but it’s true. Time is precious and there’s great work to be done. So with that, I’m writing again. More ramblings from the classroom….



No one can kill my rubber lobster


When I first set out to teach English in Asia years ago, I asked mom to send me some stuff from home that I could use in class. She mailed me a rubber lobster. Since then, I’ve bought a lot of toys and seen them all die. Nothing lasts forever I guess - except maybe for my rubber lobster. Every day I watch as the kids have at it like pit bulls on a tennis ball. It’s even been fired from a 4th floor window and run over with bicycles. It still comes out every day and squeaks when you touch it’s belly. Ah the will to live.



Asian Summer – The Macho Man Cometh



Summer in Asia can seem like a slow, painful death. The humidity has risen from a category 3 heat - 3 cold showers per day - to 4 – opening the windows just makes it worse. And now category 5 - only leave the shower to work and sleep. You eat a lot of noodles and a cold beer never tasted so good. In delirious states, you swear at appliances in your apartment for giving off heat. Like that fridge. Fuck I hate the fridge. Ok. No I don’t. She keeps the beer cold.

The Monsoon season has just finally arrived. A month of rain. Thank God. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt this way about rain.

The summer is intense. In some cultures, they take vacations, loosen the tie, take siestas, bathe in the river. There are many ways to combat intense heat. I think Koreans see it as a test to their machismo. They respond by working harder. That’s why I’m told that in August – the hottest month – my class hours will double. Korean kids celebrate summer vacation by going to school. Public programs close so private ones fill the gap. In the life of a future millionaire, there are no gaps and no siestas.



Let’s Have Dinner – The Solution to all of Life’s Problems


I told Mr. Goo I was sick and needed to see a doctor.
He said, OK talk to Sandy and we’ll have dinner next week.
I said I’m sick. I have to see a doctor.
He said, Yes, I see. You like beer and pork right. How about next Wednesday?
I said I’d like to go today.
He said, Wesley, friend, don’t worry. We’ll talk about your problems too. Do you play billiards?

Koreans won’t make any decisions on an empty stomach. They won’t make any decisions when they’re sober. There’s a solution to any problem, it’s a slow process and it’s called having dinner.



Evaluations

It’s summer - time to evaluate the program, see if the kids have learnt anything and decide whether or not our contract should be renewed. Those of you who have taught in Asia know what this means. Yes, the English Drama Competition! The only true test of one’s teaching abilities.

Our class did “Lady Choon Hyang”. It’s like a Korean romeo and Juliet but with a happy ending. Two servants fall in love and want to marry but, by law, can only do so if their masters marry first. So they concoct a scheme to bring the two together. The problem - Lady Choon Hyang is young and hot. So the evil mayor wants her for himself.

For me it was a bit confusing to watch because for one – there wasn’t much English in the play. But also, the leading roles of the handsome Moon Ryung and the Evil Mayor – both competing for Lady Choong Hyang – were played by a girl, the same girl. (because her English was the best) But in the end, I figured it out.

The Vice-Principal told us that everything was riding on this play. It would determine whether or not we still had jobs the next day. Then, to our surprise, he never showed up to watch it.



Celine’s Eye Patch – Why We Don’t Play “Pass the Ball” Anymore


Poor Celine. I don’t have to explain this one.

But I will say that this, like most of my games, worked well in Japan. But for these kids, every toy is a weapon and nothing is really fun until it’s violent. Every little game we play ends with someone crying - and someone else laughing. One punch-up in the hallway last week got bloody. The winner, Sonny, was wearing a tae-kwon-do uniform. He had blood all over him – not his own. He walked into my class and sat down. Pass the ball? – Not today.

With the rainy season starting, I’ve revised the rules of the classroom to include “no umbrella swordfighting”. The metal pointed ends are dangerous and unfair. I like a clean fight in class.


A Boy Named John Mike – Teaching Twins


Like most people I guess, I don’t know much about twins. After four months, I can’t even tell them apart yet. But I’m learning. They certainly don’t like being separated. I might have to think of them as one person – except he’s been blessed with two bodies instead of one. One’s the head, the other is the ass. Ok, not that simple. They know now that on any given day, they could both be heads. Or they could both be asses. They don’t ponder these questions. What’s there to ponder?