class notes part 1

Tuesday may 29 seoul, korea

Some Random Notes on Teaching English to Kids in Korea

What’s that smell in my classroom.
Sometimes even the kids are bothered by it. Windows are wide open. I tossed out the trash. I checked everyone’s pants for wet spots. It’s still here. The kids are saying it’s fish. I know the mothers use my classroom in the mornings. I just don’t know.

There’s no English in English Class
I find myself saying this a lot. When you start out, you imagine yourself being able to control a room of older kids, say, grades 5 and 6. They enjoy class and try hard to communicate with you. You worry about the babies. Grade One. What will I do? They don’t have two words to string together. Then as the months go by, you realize that the babies have become stars. They settle down a bit for you. They enjoy unlocking the little mysteries. They’re making sentences, and speaking tons of English in class. And the older kids you once relied on for sanity just won’t stop speaking Korean long enough for you to get a word in edgewise. It’s funny, and hard to imagine, that you, the teacher, would be the one feeling alienated and excluded in the English class. The students bond heavily with their Korean English teachers. But I have hope and his name is Henry. Henry cares.

My ears are burning off
There’s a whole lot of talk about me in class. But I don’t understand any of it. Sometimes I get it. It’s my haircut. I’m not married. I’m 16 years old. I make them bring pencils. I don’t give them stickers or candy. I’m crazy. I’ve learned to recognize enough Korean to understand some of their typical bitch sessions. But so much of it is beyond me.

Give me a stick
Sit down! Or I’ll….. say sit down again. Pretty please? As the foreign teacher, part of your job is to be a goof. That’s how they expect you to act. Everyone. The principal wants us to play games with the kids. But when the kids don’t get a sense of authority from you (you don’t carry a stick, you can’t hurt them) it’s party time. They literally run wild and can be impossible to control. My principal in Japan, who I think is a really good teacher, used to tell us never to show anger. Look disappointed, not angry. It worked for me there. But these kids in Suyu drive me to my breaking point. I sense that they only respond to punishment. It’s the only thing they respect. And I can’t punish them. Some days I am at their mercy.
One day I found a stick. Scared the crap out of them. I laughed myself silly. No one got hurt. It was a wonderful moment.

They lie, cheat and steal
That’s what I really wanted to say to the parents on report card day, but couldn’t. I was gagged and tied up in a separate room. We had to sugar-coat everything. My Korean co-teacher tells me that it’s not like this everywhere. This group is especially bad. She says it’s the neighborhood. They steal from my cabinet, steal from each other. There are full on punch-ups in class. They break my toys. They break each other’s toys. They throw garbage on the floor. They curse and swear non-stop. Do they spend their evenings and weekends in prison? Let’s blame TV.

Chill Out Man
Sometimes you get caught up in all the problems and forget to just enjoy the moment and have fun. We’re not saving lives, just playing with kids – for christ’s sake. I had a few good laughs today. Pictionary was hilarious. And I realized my own drawing skills are at about a grade three level. I had to draw a rocket. You can guess what that led to.

Sabotage – Damom, son of Satan
He’s seven years old. He’s pure evil. He’ll make a great CEO one day. Maybe Samsung.
He’s not the only little f-er to sabotage my class, but when it comes to evil, it’s as if he’s being guided, mentored by a higher power.

Hey, the doors are locked. Where is everyone? – Holidays
Do you ever feel like you’re not in the loop? Living here will change your perspective. No one tells you anything, even when it’s all about you - even if they’re all standing around you in the same room. I find out about holidays the day before, if I’m lucky enough. With flights and hotels booked months in advance of Asian holidays, it’s safe to say that I won’t be getting out of here anytime soon. A great way to save money.

set up, like a bowling pin (…knocked down, it gets to wearing thin…….) – Mr. Goo’s plan to make money
“Truckin’”, in case you don’t know the grateful dead song.
My boss told me that the previous after-school program at my elementary school failed. There was huge interest. Then there were problems. Then the English teacher was gone. The students dropped out. It was a stinker. He said it would be up to me (and the Korean co-teacher) to save the program and bring it back to life. He said it was important that the course be exciting, so as to renew faith at the school, regain support of the parents, and see the business grow to new and greater heights, etc. etc. I said I’m your man. Just supply me with the materials I need, and things will turn around. I would be “the wolf” of esl at susong. He gave me a key to my classroom, bought me a few textbooks – which arrived two weeks late. And then I haven’t seen him since. Not even a glue stick.

“Ff – finger” …and other wonderfully insightful units in my textbook.
As a teacher you have to improvise constantly. Never put your faith in the book. I could see where this lesson was going.
Korean kids have a limited working vocabulary in English. But they all know a few basics: Hello, Goodbye, Nice to Meet You, and Fuck You (pronounced "Puck you")

Judy
Judy is seven. Every day she beats on the English room door with her fists, runs in, throws her bag on the floor, gives me a hug and tells me she loves me. She’s the reason I’m teaching.

I have so much to say about teaching here but I also want to take this journal outside the classroom.
More installments to come…
- The Godfather Part I. Such a great principal, a kind and gentle principal, a loving principal. Wesley bow and say thank you for the rice.
- Pocket Dogs – why purple and orange are hot this spring
- If the river were whiskey, I’d be a diving duck
- dong shim, (shit finger) a.k.a. the equalizer – something every teacher should know before he bends over to check the homework.